Warning Beware of Butt Floss

In my house we try to conserve energy and water. My wife and I try to do what is right for the environment, but we don’t always agree on when it is time to save resources or when it time to throw in the towel. Let this serve as a warning environmental conservation disagreements stink.

My wife likes to reuse bath towels after we shower. She likes to hang them up and let them dry. If you ask her why she will answer, “You just wiped off water. You were finished taking your shower so the towel is just wet not dirty.” If you make the point that company might use drying towels then she will defend with they are expected to use the hand towels by the sink. Now there are four things wrong with this philosophy when it comes to towels.

First, my wife seems to have no time requirement for how long a bath towel should be used. If it hangs there for a week, the “clean” towel can start to have its own unique smell, and it’s not a “clean” smell.

Second, somewhere during this process of drying and reusing towels, one always turns into a floor towel to step on when we get out of the shower. If anyone else is like us that towel gets used like a mop for the entire bathroom as wet people scoot it along the floor to avoid getting water all over the place. Since it gets hung up to dry with the other towels, I often find it hard to remember which towel is the floor towel. The thought of drying off with the dry floor towel grosses me out, but if I protest by getting out new towel then I get grief for wasting towels.

Third, I personally dental floss my butt when I dry off. You all know what I’m talking about when you put the edge of your towel in between your butt cheeks and give it a few good tugs back and forth. I’m pretty sure many other people do the same. Women might deny it, but men do it. It is the last thing you do when you’re drying off. It’s like buffing the last bit of turtle wax, pun intended, on a car to make it shine. I just don’t want to reuse my butt floss. What if I forget which edge I used? This brings me to my final point.

Fourth, just because you expect company to use the hand towels to dry their hands and faces doesn’t mean they are going to do so. Without naming names, I saw a visitor at my house using my butt floss to dry his face and hands. I tried to stop him, but he just said, “What? What’s wrong?” What could I say in return? I simply told him those weren’t the hand towels, and they might be dirty. He didn’t seem to care, but I imagine if I would have said I used it on my butt he might have cared.

If this is happening in my house, I pretty sure it is happening in other houses across the world. So let this be a warning to everyone visiting others, “Use the hand towels!”